• MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS

The Pursuit of Happiness: A Painful Paradox

• Lakeshore Psychotherapy Group

• September 19, 2025

We live in a culture obsessed with happiness. Social media feeds are filled with smiling faces on perfect vacations, self-help gurus promise to unlock our inner bliss, and entire industries are built on the idea that we can—and should—be happy all the time. But this relentless pursuit often becomes a painful paradox. The more we chase happiness, the more elusive it becomes, leaving us feeling empty and unfulfilled.

The problem with making happiness the ultimate goal is that it’s a fleeting emotion, not a permanent state of being. It’s a bit like trying to hold onto a cloud; it’s a beautiful experience, but it’s not something you can grasp forever. When our happiness is dependent on external factors— a new relationship, a big promotion, or the perfect vacation—we become vulnerable to disappointment. We’re constantly on a hedonic treadmill, needing more and more to feel good. The temporary high of a new purchase or achievement fades, and we’re left searching for the next fix.

This relentless chase also forces us to avoid negative emotions. We’re taught to see sadness, anger, and anxiety as obstacles to happiness, something to be medicated or pushed away. But these emotions are a fundamental part of the human experience. They are signals from our minds and bodies, telling us important things about our needs and our environment. By denying our pain, we deny a part of ourselves and stunt our emotional growth. We become brittle and unable to handle life’s inevitable setbacks.

A Different Path: The Pursuit of Meaning

Instead of chasing a feeling, what if we focused on building a life of meaning? A meaningful life isn’t about feeling good all the time; it’s about living with purpose, connection, and a sense of contribution. It’s about understanding what truly matters to you and aligning your actions with your deepest values, even when the journey is difficult.

A life of meaning is built on a few key pillars, as identified by psychologists and philosophers:

• Belonging: This is the feeling of being part of something larger than yourself. It can be found in a close-knit family, a supportive group of friends, or a dedicated community. A sense of belonging provides a secure base from which to navigate the world.
• Purpose: Having a clear sense of what you’re here to do. This doesn’t have to be a grand, world-changing mission. Your purpose could be as simple as being a loving parent, a dedicated teacher, or a helpful neighbor. It’s about having goals that are bigger than your own happiness.
• Transcendence: These are moments where you feel a sense of awe or wonder and a connection to something beyond yourself. This can be found in nature, art, music, orspiritual practices. These experiences help us to step outside of our own ego and feel a part of something vast and beautiful.
• Storytelling: The human mind is a narrative-making machine. By creating a coherent narrative of your life—understanding how your past has shaped you and where you want to go in the future—you can give your experiences, both good and bad, a sense of purpose and direction.

When you focus on these pillars, happiness often becomes a byproduct, not the main goal. You find joy and contentment in the process of living a purposeful life. A meaningful life offers a profound sense of fulfillment and resilience that chasing a fleeting emotion never can. It allows you to find strength in your struggles and purpose in your pain.

Ready to Stop Chasing and Start Living with Purpose?

If the pursuit of happiness has left you feeling empty, you’re not alone. At Lakeshore Psychotherapy Group, our skilled therapists are here to help you explore what truly matters, uncover your values, and build a life rooted in meaning—not just momentary joy.