• Grief & Loss

Holding Grief While They’re Still Here: The Emotional Impact of a Loved One’s Terminal Illness

• Lakeshore Psychotherapy Group

• September 19, 2025

The news of a loved one’s terminal illness shatters the world as you know it. It’s not a single moment of grief, but a prolonged, complex emotional journey that begins long before a final goodbye. At Lakeshore Psychotherapy, we understand this unique and often misunderstood form of grieving—anticipatory grief.

What is Anticipatory Grief?

Anticipatory grief is the mourning that happens before a death has occurred. It’s a profound and multifaceted emotional experience, a mix of sorrow for the impending loss, and grief for the present moments that are changing. This type of grief is different from conventional grief because it coexists with the person you are grieving. You are sad for the future you won’t have with them while simultaneously trying to savor the time you do.

This emotional tightrope can lead to a whirlwind of feelings:

• Sadness and Loneliness: A deep, pervasive sadness can set in as you watch your loved one’s health decline. You may feel incredibly lonely, even when surrounded by family, as you carry the weight of what’s to come.
• Anxiety and Fear: The future is filled with unknowns. You may worry about your loved one’s pain, the financial burden of care, or your life after they’re gone. This constant state of anxiety can be exhausting.
• Guilt: You might feel guilty for wanting the suffering to end, or for the times you feel frustrated or impatient. You may also feel guilt for not being able to “fix” things or make your loved one better.
• Anger: It’s common to feel anger at the injustice of the illness, at the doctors, or even at your loved one for leaving. This anger is a natural response to feeling powerless in an impossible situation.
• Resentment: Caregiver burnout is a very real thing. As you take on more responsibility, you may feel resentful of the toll it takes on your own life. This can lead to more guilt, creating a painful cycle.

Navigating the Emotional Roller Coaster

While the journey is undeniably difficult, there are ways to cope with anticipatory grief and find moments of peace and connection.

• Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings: Give yourself permission to feel everything—the sadness, the anger, the love, and the guilt. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Trying to suppress these emotions will only make the journey harder.
• Communicate Openly: Talk to your loved one about your feelings, if you can. Sharing your fears and hopes can bring you closer. Also, talk to trusted friends or family members. You don’t have to carry this burden alone.
• Find Moments of Joy and Connection: Make a conscious effort to create new memories and cherish the small moments. Watch their favorite movie, look through old photo albums, or just sit together in comfortable silence. These moments of connection can be incredibly healing.
• Set Boundaries and Practice Self-Care: It’s essential to take care of yourself. This is not selfish; it’s necessary. Give yourself breaks from caregiving, whether that’s a walk in the park, a coffee with a friend, or just five minutes alone to breathe.
• Seek Professional Support: A therapist or counselor can provide a safe space to process your feelings. They can help you develop coping strategies, manage your anxiety, and navigate the complex dynamics of this emotional time.

You Don’t Have to Carry This Alone

Grieving the loss of someone who is still here is one of the most painful emotional journeys. At Lakeshore Psychotherapy Group, our compassionate therapists are here to walk alongside you, helping you process anticipatory grief, manage the emotional toll, and find strength in connection—even during uncertainty.